Homeless Again


I have fallen thru the "social safety net" again. I have lost my section 8 certificate. I have been denied social security. I am now homeless and penniless.

What makes this so brutally ironic is that the house I was born in was built by my great-grandfather and grandfather, who were carpenters and contractors. They built dozens of houses in the Buffalo, NY area.

When my father was raping me when I was a tiny girl he kept telling me that if I told on him he would go to jail and I would lose my family. I told on him and this is exactly what happened. I sued him for incest in 1985 and I lost because of the statute of limitations. I lost any claim I might have had to any family property, I lost all of my family connections. Not that they didn't believe me, but their shame at not protecting me made the connections die.

My ex-husband sued me for custody of my kids in the wake of the loss of the lawsuit. Dr John Matthew at the Plainfield Health Center began to drug me for a condition he called "depression" which he insisted was a biological condition independent of the abuse I suffered. My ex used the diagnosis as proof of my unfitness. I won the custody suit but I never was able to get back on my feet.

The drugs that Matthew dumped into me caused cognitive problems and did not cure my "depression." I could not focus or think or read and so I had to stop my education. I could not work. The drugs caused brain damage, gave me diabetes, cataracts, muscle damage, suppressed my thyroid function, raised my blood cholesterol,and caused massive bladder infections because I couldn't empty my bladder. But, the coup de gras was the toxic psychosis.

In 2004 I developed a toxic psychosis from paxil, an antidepressant. Dr Graves at WCMHS prescribed me 4 times the recommended dose and I began to act strange. I was evicted from my apartment for my bizarre behavior. The doctors realised their mistake and suddenly detoxed me from paxil without telling my why. The sudden detox made me even more insane. It took years before I understood that I had been experimented on and these doctors have no idea what these drugs do. And the rule was that any good effect is the result of the drug and any bad effect was due to my pathology.

I survived my father's and my husband's violence only to succumb to chemical attack from the doctors. I became homeless as a result of the bizarre behavior I evinced while being poisoned. No-one will accept responsibility for this crime. It is invisible and we have put doctors above the law so no lawyer will take this case.

In 2011 I won a lawsuit against one of the drug manufacturers. I was told by a financial advisor to spend all the money in a year so that I could requalify for SSI. I have brain damage that impairs my ability to work with numbers. I can't even balance a checkbook. I asked my kids for help, but because of my odd behavior on the drugs, our relationship is strained and they refused to help me.

I did not believe I would recover from the metabolic damage from the chemicals. A year ago I was still detoxing from the poison and I didn't think the brain damage would heal. So, I wasn't able to make a long-range plan to use the settlement to get me to a place where I could be self-supporting.

I moved here to Hardwick last October. In addition to the chemical damage from the psychiatric drugs, the underlying trauma from 16 years of being held as a sexual hostage to my father was never addressed. Coming off the chemicals left me with 60 years of a backlog of unacknowledged and unhealed trauma.

I found this apartment which was within the section 8 rent guidelines, but the landlord exploited me. He took money that I offered to fix the furnace. He kept letting the oil run out anyway. He kept saying he would sign the section 8 lease so I didn't look for another apartment. I was too overwhelmed by my physical and emotional damage to fight back effectively. 

I went to several lawyers but no-one would help. The system kept literally sending me around in circles, from the Office on Aging to Legal Aid to the Hardwick Selectboard. No-one would help me. Now my section 8 certificate has run out. I could not find an apartment in Hardwick that went for the section 8 price. The rents are all too high.

I have no income except for occasional call-in work at Buffalo Mountain Coop. I have nowhere to go. I do have an RV and I will be staying in that. The funny thing is that I bought the RV with $5,000 of the settlement cash with the idea that I would always have a dry place to sleep.

I am so sad. I loved Hardwick. I wanted to settle here. I volunteered at AWARE to meet people and to work on the problem of intimate violence, which is so destructive to our culture. I wanted to be part of GRACE because I am disabled and I am an artist. I wanted to be part of the organic agrarian economy because my sense is that the oil is running out soon, the climate is failing, there is massive species die-off (one third of bees, bats, amphibians wiped out and continuing to decline.)

I also moved here because there is a doctor who will sign a medical marijuana certificate for me. I painfully detoxed myself from all the synthetic petrochemical behavior-control chemicals. Then I found that marijuana heals neurological damage as well as easing ptsd reactions and the of pain scoliosis and a shattered collarbone. Marijuana helps my hyper-reactivity to stimuli that is the effect of the trauma incest and the trauma from the medical abuse. As a result of detoxing from the industrial chemicals I no longer have diabetes, hypothyroid or high blood fat. I take no  corporate chemicals of any kind. I am healthy now. My doctor is amazed.  A month before the 6 month qualifying period was up, the Hardwick police busted me for plants they saw in my window. They confiscated an old woman's homegrown medicine.

We are in deep shit. I am one of the canaries in the coalmine. Welcome to the hell we made on earth.

PBS video on frog extinction
Animal Planet program on bee extinction
Vermont Fish and Wildlife on bat extinction

Love you!
Mad In Vermont