My Story

I was chronically traumatized by the medical cartel for three decades. 

My C1 was sublexed.  I had five seizures between ages 10-16.  Currently I am 53. 

I started to have very horrific traumatic depressions in my 20s.  Around college age. 

This got me into this system and into the role of “ mentally ill”

It also got me into a dissociative state to survive.

As the years we’re progressing and my MDs told me about my bi-polar disorder. 

I started to doubt my diagnosis and I started to read Peter Levine. 

No matter what I did I couldn’t effect my mental emotional or behavioral health.  I kept living the same traumas over and over.

Most things people take for granted I couldn’t do.  No matter how hard I tried.

I started to read Peter Levine waking the Tiger.

I tried to talk about trauma to my GP who pushed my concerns aside to focus on my Pap smear. 

I tried to talk about trauma to my family and community who rolled their eyes at me and said , “ yeah veterans “

After I located my C1 subluxation ( chiropractor)I told my GP who I saw for ten years. 

When I started to tell her about it she projected stigma into me telling me with a glint in her eye,” I think people get help when they are ready to get help.”  This GP is named Diana Taylor.  I saw this MD for a suicide attempt with my brother. 

After I located my dissociative state the welcome mat was a year and half of trauma discharge and a six year psychotic break.

My counselor who I was seeing as my dissociation broke watched me being called crazy by my co-workers. 

Her name is Dr. Stefanie Goldstein.  She openly mocked me as I tried to get help from her.  She told me “ I was dedicated to my suffering.” She also failed to perform a historical healthcare intake.  I had unresolved trauma of ECT and three suicide attempts in my body. 

I had a six year psychotic break directly after this interaction with her. 

A month after my last appointment with Dr. Goldstein she texted me from her device asking for my medical reference for my somatic experiencing practitioner. 

The ND I am working with at the amen clinic in Encino tells me I’m responsible for her behavior. 

I am currently integrating the 1980s, the 1990s, and onward. 

I’m responsible for the MDs behavior Eric Jacobson and Mary Mcquade from the 1990s. These MDs told me lies and bullied me to “ do what they tell me to do.”

I was put in a 5150 unit in Torrance

I watched as the MD  lied to the Judge and then I watched as the judge rubber stamp the lie.

I asked for trauma care but was declined trauma care because I was told my insurance didn’t cover it. 

I have trouble getting anyone to acknowledge the chronic abuse done to me by the medical cartel. 

I am getting care by the amen Clinic but I’m not sure the practitioner understands the abuse of me as she continually tells me I’m responsible for my behavior. 

These MDs and PHds can make up whatever they want sadly my family fed the system with me even pathologising my efforts to get healthy. 

I spent ten years ( a decade) in 12-step rooms actively seeking solutions. 

I sent my MD named Ron Podell a study I got off the internet about ptsd and the workplace. 

At this point I had homicidal trauma and wanted to be healthy. 

Ron Podell received the study and told me “ yes, that shows the theory with the practical.”

I was then pressured to get back to work perferably with people so I could work on my issues.

If I’m not working I’m a slacker. 

Then I got ten more years of compounded trauma on top of homicidal trauma. 

I’m sick of being the abuse scapegoat and responsible for all my MDs and PHds .  Who lie about me , misrepresent me and reinjure me for their own amusement. 

Then I am responsible for them.

I have not left the house for eight years.

My father tells me my C1 is not sublexed.  He tells me “ it’s mental”

He also supports my siblings abuse of me.

My mental illness made my siblings abuse me as well as my sister in law.

I have fragmented ptsd flashbacks daily. I have ten year old fragmented parts that  I try to integrate everyday.

I literally did not know I had emotional needs until I was 45. 

What I have been through is Inhumane and I cannot get anyone to listen to me other than telling me “ I’m responsible for everything “

The medical cartel has bought everyone. Judges, media, the practitioners are very aware they are protected by a medical cartel. 

It’s much worse than most are aware.  I fear for my life everyday. 

Thank you.

Nicole Williams